The Importance Of Surrounding Yourself With Life

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Meeting up with Rinny a few weeks after we returned her to the Barking Lot rescue shelter. 

Rinny's bed sits in the same corner, just unoccupied, unless I lay on it (it's big and comfortable).

I’ve never really considered myself a “dog person.” When I was young, I believe under the age of 10, my family had dogs on a couple of occasions. But most of my adolescent years were spent sans dog. My dog fixes have been relegated to indulging with my friends and their stories and pictures of their dogs.

As some know, my family adopted Rinny, an almost three-year old Staffordshire Bull Terrier in May. We also had to take her back to the adoption shelter after two biting incidents between her and my 10-year-old daughter.

Rinny was a part of our home and family for just three months. But three weeks after not having her in our home, I’ve realized just how important she was. And not just Rinny. Not just a dog. What I’ve realized is the importance that life, living, breathing, activation, moving … all of these things; the importance those things have when you occupy a space. 

The space could be your home or bedroom. It could be a park or an office cubicle. When we surround ourselves with living objects, we feed off that energy. It’s why there is music when you walk into the grocery store. It’s why random sculptures and art pieces are installed into public spaces. It’s the reason those feng shui books tell us to put a plant in a specific spot in our homes.

I’ve been “working from home” for nearly 15 months. We adopted Rinny nearly to the day of my one year anniversary of self employment. She quickly found her way into our hearts. But she also was cramping our schedule. Mine in particular. It was like having a toddler in the house all over again. Being away from home for more than a couple hours was out of the question.

I spent this past summer literally working from home, no longer a nomad at coffee shops around San Diego. If I was working in my office, Rinny was right there. When I moved to my DJ station in another part of the house, Rinny followed and would listen to music with me. When I needed to work in the garage, there she was, sprawled out on the concrete floor.

While I enjoyed her company, I also missed leaving the comforts of home to work elsewhere. It was my way of being around other people and being around their energy. That energy also included the sounds of the milk frother; the beeps of credit card machines; the hum of the music in the restaurant creeping past my earbuds and mixing in with the music in my ears.

With Rinny, I had her energy while I was at home. But more importantly, returning home to her I found an energy that I never knew was missing.

On the occasions that I or my family would leave her at home, we knew returning would always be an adventure. First there was her excitement of seeing us. Then it was looking around  to see what she may have chewed on. There was the inevitable fixing of couch pillows and area rugs that were tossed around. There was sweeping and cleaning of any small messes that she made.

Rinny's always overly excited greeting when I come home.

We were no longer just walking in the door and plopping down on the couch. We didn’t have to “wake” up the house -- open windows, doors, curtains, etc. Rinny was there the whole time keeping the house alive and warm.

I even noticed how much more alive the house was when my wife, Sheila, would return home from work. Rinny was of course excited to see her, but so was Sheila. And she would prepare to take her for an evening walk, which followed with refreshing her water and food bowls.

As humans we settle into a routine. And Sheila walking through the door doesn’t seem like an occasion to get excited and anxiously greet her. Or maybe it should be?

So here were are, a month into a dog-less life and walking in the door to complete silence is strange. Obviously being at home is a completely different experience. I’ve lost my shadow, the living, breathing thing that was giving me energy.

Rinny was never a barker. But man it’s really quiet without her around.

I think I may need to get a plant.

One Last Walk With Rinny

Three amazing months with the most beautiful Staffy

I’ve often heard while a pet dog will give you your greatest joys, they also will present your greatest sorrows. I became more in touch with this idea the past three months, the time in which Rinny -- a Staffordshire Bull Terrier -- came into our lives and made the Kanoya household a family of four.  

Ridiculously, I sometimes feared the day we would feel the deep pain of losing her, often reminded by the regular social media posts or other news of friends who've lost their pets.  

I knew that moment was far, far away for us. Never this soon.

But today we lost Rinny.

What hurts the most is that she did not pass away. We had to give her back to the shelter we adopted her from.

And it’s soul crushing.

We had her in our lives for just over three months and are forever changed. And we will indeed remember this short time every time we look at our daughter Marissa, because, her cute face is in part why we had to return Rinny.

In the short time span that we had her, Marissa  was bit twice in the face. I could go on and on about the circumstances that led to both incidents. How Marissa was at fault; or how Rinny was at fault. But the bottom line is, it happened. And while we may have got to a point where Marissa was comfortable around her, I don’t think we would have ever become comfortable with her around random kids or Marissa’s friends.

At the time of the first bite, she had been a part of our family for 24 days. In those initial few weeks of dog ownership, we did all the things new dog owners do - at least what I believe they do.

We became regulars at Petco and Petsmart. Buying a bed, treats, chew toys, leashes, car harness, poop bags, Kong balls, bitter spray, Thunder shirt, bones ... So. Much. Stuff.

We took countless photos of all of her "first moments" with us. First time sitting in the driver's seat of my car, first time laying on top of me, a video of her happily jumping and running around chasing her toys.

The “#dogsofinstagram” hashtag appeared to be in our near future.

We were in love, ensconced by this sweet creature and confused by the fact that she had been given up at least two other times before we brought her to our home.

Once she familiarized herself with others, she was sweet to them. And she instantly made friends everywhere we went.

“Your dog is so chill.” “What a sweetie.” “I love her.”

All phrases that became very familiar to us.

We had assumed that whatever issues there were with previous families, we were absent of those problems. Rinny was ours and she loved us too.

Dog ownership was going to be easy, or so we thought.

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It was indeed going to be work, especially after that first bite. Educating ourselves on dog behavior, and more importantly Rinny behavior became a top priority. And things became further complicated for Marissa as she became understandably apprehensive around Rinny. This in turn would make Rinny more apprehensive.

About a month after the bite, things were getting better. Marissa was becoming more confident and more stern with Rinny. But Rinny never dramatically changed. She always seemed a bit skeptical of Marissa.

This was sad, because Marissa was the one person that loved her the most and would be the last person to ever hurt her.

Then, just this past weekend - 83 days since the first incident - she nipped at Marissa again. We were all at the park, playing with and walking Rinny. We sat down to take a quick break and Marissa was holding Rinny on leash.

After a few minutes we all got up to move and something about Marissa’s motion, startled Rinny and she quickly snapped her mouth toward Marissa’s face. In a split second she had a cut lip and a second trip to the emergency room.

Two bites to the face. Two trips to the ER. Multiple areas on her face needing to be stitched up.

It was at that point we realized we could no longer keep Rinny.

In the end, Rinny is an animal, not another human, and we needed to treat her as such. When the first incident happened we knew the easy thing to do would be to send her back. But we did not want to give up and knew there was an opportunity to make things better.

She went into intensive therapy with two dog trainers totaling 11 days. She did such a great job and was obeying all her commands. She was loyal, obedient and the perfect companion. But there was always that worry she would get spooked and show that emotion via a powerful bite. 

We always see videos and photos of sweet dogs that are loving and caring. Rinny was certainly that, but she is also part of the statistic of dogs that are prone to bite. 

This essay is in part therapy for me. But it’s also a shout to the world. If you are interested in dog ownership, educate yourself not only about the breed and food and leashes and treats and all that stuff. But most importantly, educate yourself on dog behavior and the right dog for you and your family.

Rinny with dog trainer, Tim McMillan of Sit Means Sit.

When I passed along the news that Rinny would be leaving to one of our trainers, Tim McMillan of Sit Means Sit Dog Training, he shared our sadness.

"Rinny is such a sweet girl, but you gave her more chances than anyone ever would. But you have to do what's right for the family."

The Aftermath
Two months after the first incident Marissa was on the mend with scar that were healing nicely. Now she has another wound to heal. One that will likely heal itself much faster than the pain in her heart;  all of our hearts.

She’s as pretty as ever and her spirit has never dampened. Even at her worst moment, as we were on our way home from the hospital she said to me “can you go inside first and calm Rinny down before I go in?”

If you have a "childless" home, Rinny may be the right dog for you. She is currently up for adoption at the Barking Lot, located in El Cajon, CA. Contact them for more info (barkinglot.net).

Never a thought of fear or hatred. There was not one part of her that was going to give up on Rinny.

When we arrived home from the hospital, she stepped out of the car, hugged me, a vise grip-like squeeze as she said “thank you.” This sweet girl, having been through serious trauma and hours away from facial surgery and she was thanking me.

I was dumbfounded.

When I asked her why she said that, she didn’t answer. But she didn’t need to. I knew what she meant.

I knew that giving Rinny back to the shelter to protect this sweet soul of a girl was indeed the right decision. And yet Marissa still wishes Rinny was in our life. 

"I would eat fish every day if I could have her back," Marissa said. As you could guess, she despises seafood. 

Always forgiving. What an amazing child she is. I know her resilience had not faded and my ever pretty girl, despite her wounds, scrapes and gauze all over her face, was the most beautiful girl in the world, inside and out.

Ten Scary Seconds: We Almost Died In An Auto Accident

Me, daughter Marissa, wife Sheila and Rinny.

My family (me, my wife Sheila, daughter Marissa and dog Rinny) was involved in a car accident and we almost died.

UPDATE: We are fine. No blood. Didn't get taken away in an ambulance. 

Since we literally walked away from the crash unscathed and the damage to my car is merely a busted back end with the rest of the car looking pretty normal, it might seem a bit melodramatic to say we almost died. But maybe an inch one way or the other, and things would be drastically different.

What I do know, is the experience was enough for me to think about some things. Most of all, it made me think about the phrase “giving up.”  It made me think about the many times we have in life to give up or persevere.

There was a moment during the accident when I decided to not give up. It probably saved our lives.

The Accident
Driving south on I-15 on a Saturday night just after 7 p.m., I looked up in my rear view mirror and saw a brown pick-up truck coming toward me at a high rate of speed. It was like a guided missile headed straight toward its target.

In a matter of seconds I felt an impact, which forced my vehicle into the lane to my right. I was struck a second time, saw the truck flying off the freeway into the grass, my car fishtailed out of control and was headed directly toward a barrier made of solid concrete.

I remember thinking it’s going to suck to hit this wall head on. I heard Sheila screaming. But I also felt a sense of calm.

I gripped that steering wheel so hard. I turned it to the right. Turned it to the left. And as fast as it had all started, we were no longer headed toward that wall. My car was on the shoulder, slowing down and safely coming to a stop out of harm's way.

Our daughter was on the verge of tears, our dog was shaking like a massage chair. We were all fine … well at least physically.

In the next 24-48 hours Sheila and I had opportunities to discuss and hypothesize what happened. Everything took place behind us, so we were not entirely certain what unfolded. The whole incident lasted maybe 10 seconds. She recalled as we were sliding toward that wall and thinking her life was about to end.

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In our discussion, I also reflected on that moment and discovered my thoughts were different. I didn’t feel as though I was going to die. Like I said earlier, I had this sense of calm. I didn’t have time to think about dying. My priority at that moment was to survive … to ensure everyone in my car would survive. And I was the one person, with control of that steering wheel that was going to make that happen.

That is the beauty of being in control. Whether it is being in control of your career choices, a bicycle you are riding or your car careening toward a slab of concrete. We have the ability to control the outcome. Or at least die trying.

But the moment we give up that control, when we decide the struggle is not worth it, is the moment a part of you or maybe all of you dies.

This past year for me, May ’15 to May ’16 has been amazing. But it hasn’t been perfect. While it’s wrong for me to assume that many of you think it is has been, I’m here to tell you not everything is as awesome as it looks through Instagram filters and Facebook posts.

Sure, I’ve been traveling all over the country, playing music at yoga parties for Fitbit, grand openings for Lululemon, running races with November Project, eating amazing meals and hanging with wonderfuls friends and family.

But here is what hasn’t gone all that great:

• This accident was my second in my entire life. My first was four weeks ago and it was while I was driving my “work van.” That van is still driveable, but I cannot open the liftgate, which makes removing large speakers and turntables road cases difficult.
   
• For the year 2016, I have had 25 inquiries to DJ a wedding that have not closed with a signed contract. That is well over $30,000 in lost business. That sucks. So contrary to what you may think. I'm not booked "all the time."
   
• Our rental property tenants just gave their 30-day notice.
   
• Paydays are not every two weeks for me. That means bill pay isn’t the most fun activity and is sometimes painful.
   
• I’ve had ill-timed illnesses, like right around the ramp up to training for races I was looking forward to doing.
   
• I’ve had a few social media ad campaigns that have fallen flat, which means wasted marketing dollars.

And despite all of those missteps and struggles, I’m not giving up. Those things that haven’t gone as planned are opportunities to understand what I can do better. They give me perspective on how I can approach things differently.

When faced with the choice, you decide whether you give up or not. Throughout life you will find yourself headed toward cement walls all the time. It’s what you choose to do in the moment you are about to make contact with that wall. Will you give up? Will you choose life or will you choose certain doom?

Navigating life is hard. Finding success is hard. But neither will have a positive outcome if giving up becomes your norm.

I look at those 10 seconds of that accident as a microcosm of my life right now. A jarring hit, frantic stressful moments, fishtailing toward that wall … but then dodging the obstacle and coming to a stop.

Life brings us days filled with stress and obstacles to hurdle. But we deal with it directly and then take a pause to breathe, reflect and restore.

Those 10 seconds were likely the scariest of my life. But they just might prove to be the most important.

I Went To The Beyonce Concert and Discovered What Girl Power Is

Beyonce brought all of her flawless fierceness and slaying to San Diego when her Formation Tour stopped in to say hello on May 12, 2016. I, along with my family and 50,000 others were in the crowd.

I never know what to expect when I go to these massive stadium shows. The beauty of attending a live music act is to share a space with an artist and others around you that share the same love for that artist. It’s the ability to connect with someone who we may only know through a computer screen, an Instagram account or sounds of the radio.

But in a stadium, the connection is so physically difficult. The artist is yards away, appearing no larger than a postage stamp. I’m more connected to the men’s bathroom -- which was about 5 paces away -- than I am to the Queen Bey.

But this is Beyonce. Sasha Fierce. One of a short list of entertainers who can stand out in a sea of dancers, a collection of a million LED lights and a stage filled with production technology that I can only imagine must be equivalent to the cost of several acres of coastal property in La Jolla, Calif.

I mean, no joke, part of her stage -- which I’m guessing took up slightly over ⅓ of the Qualcomm Stadium field -- LITERALLY TURNED INTO WATER. The Queen and her dancers walked/danced on water. WTF??!!

If there is a way to connect with an audience in the same way you would during an acoustic set at coffee shop, Beyonce somehow finds a way to do it.

Here I was being blasted with a setlist of songs, of which just a handful I was familiar with, yet I was so engaged.

And just past the halfway point, I realized what was drawing me in. After about the 37th time of Bey asking for the ladies to give themselves a shout out. For being okay for “waking up like this.” For being okay with being independent. For being okay with empowerment.

If the Spice Girls were about girl power, then Beyonce is girl powerized.

You see, I have a daughter.  And everyday I watch as she continues to grow into her own self. Realizing what self worth is and why positive self worth is the thing that will help define her. It is that strong spirit I am most proud to see her nurture within herself.

Raising a girl puts me more in tune with examples of strong, take no BS women. Because my daughter, nor Beyonce, seems to be those type of females.

My daughter is a little ball of girl power. 

On this night, through music, sound and visual, Beyonce connected with me and exemplified what it means to be strong.

I realize I don’t know a whole lot about her outside of the music world. In fact, most of her music that really “speaks” to women naturally never spoke to me.  Yet, I still enjoy the music, I mean who doesn’t bounce to “Love On Top?”

If Beyonce is going to be one -- not the sole one -- but one example of a strong women that my daughter looks up to then I’m good with it.

Beyonce is a women that stands tall, with flawless hair whipping so perfectly as a strategically placed fan blows wind through it while executing perfect booty shakes and dance moves in ankle deep water. She is a woman who is a working mother, a business woman and a philanthropist.

Beyonce certainly is a controversial figure to many ... but, then again most shit disturbers are.

A Tribute To Prince: Music Icon

Prince was a music icon. As I sat down today -- the day of his death -- and listened to his catalog of music, my goal was to do a seamless mix of a few tunes. I quickly realized that was not going to be easy.

The beauty of Prince's music is that no two songs sound the same. As a result it's a challenge to mix them. I instead decided to grab some of the more emotional parts of some of my favorites.

This isn't a Prince Mega Dance Mix ... it's just meant to be touching and I hope you enjoy it.

Track List:
1. 7 (w/ "Post to Be" back beat)
2. Diamonds and Pearls
3. Purple Rain
4. Let's Go Crazy
5. Nothing Compares 2 U